The Martian Muckraker would like to vehemently deny that we, any of the aliens we represent, or any of our subsidiaries and allies were involved in the four* unidentified aerial objects recently sighted in Earthling atmospheric space.
When asked for comment C’therax, Editor and Chief of the Muckraker, calmly stated “WE SWEAR WE DIDN’T DO IT!!!”
Stardust, an intergalactic peace activist mentioned “This is a good time to reflect and realize that though we are on planets far apart, we are still orbiting the same direction, both around the same sun and around a common desire for love.”
Once again, any insinuation that we are involved in cow kidnappings, undisclosed aircraft in Earthing atmospheric space or dissections is just propagation of hurtful anti-Martian propaganda. We also deny that any Martian citizen is in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with Katy Perry.
“Now more than ever, we need to give love a chance,” Stardust said, “Earthlings and Martians have so much to teach each other.”
Nonetheless, the Martian Ministry of Defense has stated that they “reserve all options” in the event Elon Musk comes within one million miles of Mars.
*A prior version of this article incorrectly stated five aerial objects. This was simply a mistake and it should not be inferred that there is a fifth unidentified object that has not yet been discovered by Earthling governments.
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