My Dear C’therax,
I am shocked that you have grown blue so quickly. Yes, I am well aware that Mars is a most boring planet, but you must admit that more interesting sites are just a a few warp-blasts away. And, surely good company is not lacking? Don’t play coy my friend. I’ve seen how giddy you are around Sp’Rark. I dare say if you could gather the guts to make a move… she may well be interested! But perhaps I should remember my place.
Your letter, I must say, was incredibly boring. I am not unaware that the universe is falling apart and I don’t need four paragraphs from you reminding me of this quite obvious fact. You are concerned that the Milky Way Gazette and your column in particular, the Martian Muckraker, are being blasted as “Fake News.” It could be worse my dear friend. Imagined if these slime droppings liked you?!?
The fact they have resorted to such pathetic name calling shows that they have no real arguments left and so are resorted to just being louder in hopes of drowning you out. Do you know how to be heard over a mob’s shouts? The secret is simple C’therax. Whisper. Yes, whisper, C’therax. Most people are generally good, if perhaps bewildered and somewhat incompetent. They will grow tired of the shouting and they soon will realize that the voice that is willing to whisper, is the voice of truth.
I know this will be a trying time. In all things stand firm in the Immutable, C’therax. Stand firm in the That-Which-Is-Constant-In-A-Universe-Of-Quantum-Flux. Stand firm in the Unchanging. Stand firm in the Real, the only Real, without which nothing else can be real. He who stands firm in the Immutable lacks nothing, C’therax, however sad the state of the galaxy may become.
Now for your next assignment, I would like you to report back to me on this Sarah Debaptissta. This Earthling may speak with a stutter…but I think the world will listen to her.
Ever Yours in the Immutable,
Stand Firm C’therax